Shallow Brock
by Darkwolf131
Summary: Now you can finally find out why Brock has no eyes! And why he doesn't like Misty or Jessie! So read it! Then review it! please! It's a parody of "Shallow Hal"...
1. A Day at the Beach

Shallow Brock

Disclaimer- As much as I wish I did, I don't own pokemon, Shallow Hal, or any of the characters in this story. It's just a fanfic! I didn't steal! So don't sue me! Please!

A/N : This story explains a lot...such as why Brock has no eyes and why he isn't attracted to Misty or Jessie. It's a parody of the movie 'Shallow Hal', but if you haven't seen the movie it will still probably make sense.

Ash, Misty, and Brock were having a lovely day on Seafoam Island. They happily frolicked through the water, playing with their pokemon and bodysurfing in the gentle, rolling waves. Just then, two people and a meowth came into the water. Brock's large, brown eyes bugged out when he saw a beautiful young woman walk out onto the sand bar next to him. He ran up to her.

"Hello! My name is Brock, and I was wondering if I could maybe go out with you and then perhaps we can go back to my place and..." The woman slammed a mallet on his head before he could finish.

"Get away from me," she snapped. A young man with shoulder-length blue hair ran up to them.

"Jessie, who's this?" he asked.

"Some ass, I don't know," Jessie replied. Brock rose from the ground and looked up at her.

"I told you, my name is Brock," he said.

"Get lost," Jessie growled, and kicked him in the jaw. With both his face and dignity hurt, Brock ran back over to Ash and Misty.

"Hey guys..." he said glumly.

"Yo Brock...whats wrong?" asked Ash.

"I met the most beautiful girl..."Brock began, his voice trailing off.

"Oh God...not that again," sighed Misty.

"Oh yeah...she was hot..."mumbled Brock in his pretty-girl fantasy state.

Later that day, the group went back to the pokemon center to rest and eat some dinner. Nurse Joy walked over to them.

"Hello," she said in her soft, kind voice.

"Hi Nurse Joy!" replied Ash.

"Hello," said Misty.

Brock simply turned away.

"What's your friend's name?" asked Nurse Joy.

"That's Brock," answered Ash.

"Hello Brock," said Nurse Joy. Brock continued to ignore her.

"What's wrong, Brock?" asked Misty.

"Sorry, but the only girls I talk to are the hot ones," he answered.

"Oh dear, I'm sorry to bother you," said Nurse Joy sheepishly.

"You should be," answered Brock, "don't you have some sick pokemon to tend to or something?" he asked.

"Yes, well, have a good day," said Nurse Joy, her face bright red. She rushed out of the room, embarrassed by Brock's comment.

"Brock!" yelled Misty, "What is your problem?! That was the rudest thing I've ever heard you say!"

"You're no prize yourself," muttered Brock.

"You better cool it, Brock," advised Ash.

"Don't tell me what to do. You'll know why I feel that way when you're older," Brock said.

"I've yet to find a man your age as shallow, appearance-obsessed, or as downright mean as you are!" Misty shouted.

Nurse Joy walked back out to where they were sitting.

"Don't worry about it, I'm no beauty queen," she said.

"No, we will worry about it," said Misty, "Brock and I have to talk." She pulled Brock outside.

Misty sat Brock down on a bench outside the Pokemon Center.

"Brock, you need to stop being so shallow. It hurts people's feelings when you judge them based on their appearance. There are so many kind, wonderful people in the world that don't fit your 'sexy' standards," she said.

"Then they aren't wonderful, are they?" asked Brock sarcastically.

"You know what? Why should I bother talking to you? You never listen. I don't know why I ever thought I could help you," said Misty angrily. She then stormed away.

Brock laughed off her little lecture, then went down to the beach.

'There's got to be some hot babes here' he thought to himself.

Brock waded out onto the sandbar, trying to look cool as he jumped over the oncoming waves. Suddenly, a large wave came crashing on top of him! Brock was thrown off balance and dragged into the undertow. The force of the water pulled him back, out into the water. He tried to surface, but was too late. The second his head reached out of the water, two surfers on short boards barreled into his face, stabbing both eyes, blinding him for life.


	2. Oh NO!

"AHHHH!!!" Brock screamed, springing out of the water with blood running down his face. Everyone looked at him in disbelief.

"Brock!" shouted Ash, "I'll call the ambulence!" and he dialed 911 on his cell phone.

They arrived shortly, and whisked Brock off to the hospital.

Later, Brock woke up. Or atleast he thought he did. "huh?" he asked, "Where am I?"

"You're at Seafoam General Hospital," answered Misty.

"Wha? Where are you?!" asked Brock.

"I'm right here," answered Misty.

"I can't see you! I can't see anyone!" Brock shouted.

"That's because your eyes got poked out with some surfboards," answered Misty.

"OH MY GOD!!!" screamed Brock, "MY EYES! MY EYES!"

Then Nurse Joy walked in.

"Hello" she said.

Brock sighed.

"Hello, Nurse Joy," he said glumly.

"Well, if it isn't Mr. I'm-too-good-to-talk-to-ugly girls" Nurse Joy commented when she saw Brock.

"How do you know who I am?" asked Brock.

"My sister at the pokemon center told me all about you, and how you were so rude to her," Joy explained, "she may have let you get away with it, but I don't take any crap from patients. One nasty comment and out the door you go."

Brock sat in silence as Nurse Joy proceeded to fluff his pillow and clean up the room.

2 days later, Brock was released from the hospital. His eye sockets had closed up into little slits, and he couldn't see a thing.

"This sucks," he commented as he walked down the road with Ash and Misty, "now I can't check out hot girls."

"I feel for ya, buddy," replied Ash.

Misty growled.

"Well I for one think this is an opportunity for Brock to see the true beauty of things," she said.

"I have no eyes, dumbass," snapped Brock.

Misty scowled at him.

"I meant you could really notice the best things in life, what you can't see with your eyes," she told him.

"You're an idiot," Brock returned.

So they walked down the road a little while, and came to a Pokemon Center.

"Let's just stop here for a second, I need to use the ladie's room," said Misty.

So they went into the Pokemon Center. Misty walked to the ladie's bathroom.

"I gotta go to," said Brock. So he went down the hall to the men's room.

As he sat there in the stall, he heard an eerie voice coming from the next stall.

"Can you see inner beauty?" the voice asked. Brock remained silent.

"Do you notice what the eyes can't see?" it asked again. Brock pretended to pull down some toilet paper and not hear the voice.

"Is it true? That true beauty lies within one's soul? And that physical beauty is nothing," the voice boomed.

"Alright Misty, its not funny," said Brock. "What are you doing in here, anyway?"

"I'm not Misty," the voice replied.

"You sound like Misty," answered Brock.

"No I don't," said the voice. "Go forth and judge people's true beauty," it said.

"Make me," Brock shot. But the voice never replied.


	3. The End oh how original

As Ash, Misty and Brock left the Pokemon Center, Brock had a strange feeling. Who was that voice? Why did it keep saying all that junk about inner beauty? He decided not to tell Ash or Misty about it.

They walked a few miles down the road, and suddenly came upon a scene. 3 Team Rocket members had a shopping cart full of pokeballs and were being chased by Officer Jenny on a motorcycle.

"The Boss said these were OUR pokemon!" yelled one of the Team Rocket members, a young woman with long blonde hair in spiky pigtails.

"Yeah! Get your own damn pokemon, Domino!" shouted her partner, a man with teal hair and a horrendously froggy voice.

"A friendly face can hide the fiercest foe, you never know," said the 3rd Team Rocket member calmy, smirking as she talked.

"You're all under arrest!" yelled Officer Jenny.

"Go to Hell, we're working here," snapped Cassidy, the lady with the blonde spiky hair.

Brock was furious when he heard this.

"Excuse me?!" he demanded.

"Yeah, I'm talking to you too, Squinty," Cassidy yelled back.

"Brock! What're you doing?!" asked Misty and Ash in unison.

"What needs to be done," Brock answered.

"Go, Onix!" he commanded, letting Onix out of it's pokeball. The giant snake sped towards Team Rocket, knocking over the shopping cart.

"Hey!" yelled Butch.

"RAAAAAAAAWWWWWWRRRRRR!!!!!" Onix roared.

Butch and Cassidy took one look at Onix, and ran off into the distance.

"Hah." Laughed Domino, "losers".

"Don't think you're getting away so easily," growled Brock.

"Excuse me, sir?" asked Officer Jenny.

Brock turned to her.

"I can take this from here, I am a certified police officer, you know," she said.

"Don't worry about it," replied Brock, "I can't bear to see you even get a speck of dirt on that gorgeous uniform of yours".

Domino giggled.

"Onix! Rock Throw!" he commanded.

Onix hurled giant boulders at Domino, who screamed and ran away.

Once she was gone, Ash and Misty walked up to the scene.

"Brock! That was great!" congratulated Ash.

"Nothin to it," Brock answered coolly, "anything for the most beautiful cop there is."

"Well, uhh, gee, thanks," said Officer Jenny, blushing a little, "I've never had anyone say that about me before."

"Well they should," said Brock.

"Well, uhhh...I have to go back to base, bye now!" said Officer Jenny, and she sped away on her motorcycle.

"Brock," asked Misty as they walked down the road again, "what was with all that beautiful cop crap? Just 2 weeks ago you despised Officer Jennies."

"Well, Misty, she was just downright gorgeous. The way she so gracefully yet forcefully hunted down those crooks sent a shiver down my spine," Brock answered.

"Erm...ok," said Misty, a little confused.

That night, they arrived at a Pokemon Center. It wasn't long before Brock started hitting on Nurse Joy.

"Oh Joy, you're hair...its so...red" he complimented.

"Yes, it is," giggled Nurse Joy, "Thanks for noticing!"

"Oh, you're welcome!" replied Brock with a huge grin on his face.

Things continued on like this for about 2 weeks. Every Nurse Joy or Officer Jenny they saw, Brock was immediately attracted to. Then, one day, they met someone they hadn't seen in quite some time.

"Team Rocket!" shouted Ash, once Jessie and James were done with their motto, "I knew it was you!"

"Well no duh, it's only the 5 billionth time we've attacked you with these disguises," said James, discarding his orange wig.

Jessie looked at Brock nervously.

"What's with him?" she asked, "He hasn't made a comment about me this whole time. Usually he has something to say about my tits or ass by the time the motto's over."

"Well not this time, you train wreck," replied Brock coldly.

Misty, Ash, Jessie, James, Meowth, and Pikachu and stared at him in disbelief.

"That's right," said Brock, "you're the second most hideous thing to walk the planet."

"And what's the first?" asked Jessie.

"Misty," Brock answered.

Both Misty's and Jessie's faces got red enough to match their hair. At exactly the same moment, they both drew mallets out of nowhere and began beating him senseless with them.

"Well...since they're busy, wanna come by my house and go in my hot tub?" James asked Ash.

"Sure, why not?" agreed Ash. So the two of them skipped away to James' manor while Misty and Jessie beat the crap out of Brock.

From that day forward, Brock only checked out good girls.

The End


End file.
